The Longest Winter

Oh my oh my is this a keyboard I am touching??? Wow I feel like I haven't sat down to write anything in forever. I believe I am currently experiencing the longest winter in history which apparently it is still winter in spite of what the calendar says...because I think the calendar and the thermometer must be having some sort of disagreement. This gets me to thinking of another disagreement that I have.....it is about hell. After this long winter which seems to be hanging on for dear life I am beginning to believe that everything I have been told about hell is not true. All those stupid sayings about hell like "hotter than hell" or "people in hell want ice water". I personally feel that people in hell can produce their own ice water I think what people in hell want is actually hot chocolate with marshmallows in it. Because I think hell is cold and gloomy and freezing and I bet it snows or rains or sleets or hails most days. And the days that you actually do get to see the sunshine it is just a trick because although the sun may be shining brightly the winds will be blowing so hard that the wind chill will still make it seem like it is freezing out. It really is probably a whole lot like winter in central Ohio. Except in hell instead of it lasting only six or seven months a year it is year round so I will give them that. But with that said at least those folks doomed to eternity there they don't have telecommunication there I am willing to bet they don't get a good signal there like I do here in the glorious Buckeye state. So at least those folks don't have to get calls from the folks walking on the streets paved of gold like I have to get from my brother and sister who are in Florida who feel compelled to call me to let me know how hot it is. My sister has even begun to recruit her friends to harass me as well. They like to call me from the beach to ask if I can call them back in like thirty minutes so they don't forget to turn over on the blanket so one side of their bodies doesn't get sunburned!! I won't even tell you what my response to that request was since I don't like to put my profanity in writing I try to keep most of those kinds of words in my head although I will admit occasionally one to fifteen may slip out. Even those that do slip out from time to time are not my fault I blame them on the fluctuation in hormone levels that women of a certain age suffer from. Really the only thing to look forward to during winter in central Ohio is THE Ohio State Buckeyes and I actually thought that was going really well this year. My football bucks went to a bowl game and actually won it instead of suffering a humiliating loss on national tv like they have been known to do. Then my basketball Bucks have a stellar season on the court well at least until it really mattered. I am not quite sure what "in the cold hell" happens to my Buckeyes nearly every stinking year. It is like they game plan goes something like this. I picture Thad Matta (who my husband refers to as "stigmata" and it cracks him up every time he says it) Yea I don't why either???? gives them a pep talk something like this. Hey fellas I believe in you, all your fans and the entire Buckeye nation believes in you. You are strong talented gifted young men with more skill and more heart than any other team in the country. I want you boys to play hard and win. I want you to win nearly every single game all season long play with the heart for this sport that I know you all possess and show the world how talented and undefeatable you all are. I want you to break records and humiliate your opponents on the court. Now I want you to do all this all the way until we either get to the NCAA National Championship or at least really really close to it then don't do that anymore. Just kick back a rest on your amazing regular season play. I think Tressel gives a very similar speech to my football bucks most years as well. You know I would almost rather they have a mediocre season barely even make it to the tournament then pull an upset at the end to win it. Then for them to play hard break records get all our hopes up then crash and burn when it really counts. Their season was just another trick on Ohio just like when you look out and see the sun is shining and you think it is actually going to be a nice warm sunny day then you walk outside and find that accompanying the sun is a cold brisk wind straight out of the north. (and you know what is north don't ya???? yeah that's right Michigan!!!) Nothing good ever comes out of the north. The jet stream, the Arctic blast, the lake affect snow and Michigan with all their fans can all stay north if you asked me. So the next time I irritate someone (which by the way is very very very rare) and in anger they tell me to go to hell...I can just say I would but I already live there it is a little place called Ohio. In fact I think I have a new motto for the Buckeye state it is this "Ohio...can't tan.....can't win!!! I need to go for now perhaps I will stop by the Red Barn to see if I can have that put on a bumper sticker!! Plus I am currently taking any and all suggestions for my revenge on my sister who returns home in May..