Yes I am still here

So thanks to all of you have been asking when I was going to begin writing my blog again. So sorry for my lack of blogging recently. Believe me it is not due to lack of anything interesting to tell. I am still me after all and there is always a story to tell. So as you know I did a little time in the hospital back in December serving time sharing a room with septic lady as a roommate. Then the Monday following Christmas I had to go back in for a stress test. Now I know why they call it a stress test that stupid thing liked to kill me. And had I not been to prideful to cry in front of the skinny little fit twenty something administering the test I really would have cried. Little skinny butt is telling me that I have to keep going for a certain amount of time and my heart rate has to reach a certain level or the entire test has to be rescheduled. OMG seriously, if I have to kill over and die to get this test over with I will. There is no way am I going to go through all this again. When I finally asked her what heart rate we were trying to reach she would say "oh just a little bit higher", now you can call me crazy but when you can see the rhythm of your heart through your shirt I happen to think that perhaps is high enough??? No not for this chick, she was like Julian Michael's on steroids or something. See I have often thought I would love to have a personal trainer, you know someone to really get me motivated. Well after the stress test not so much. I figure it really wouldn't be worth the cost of the trainer, then the cost to bail me out of jail and the possible lawsuit from where I got arrested for beating the living tar out of some skinny little blond number whom could have quarters bouncing off her firm elevated posterior. After living through the torture test as I now call it. I had to follow up with a cardiologist wow not even forty-one and I get my very own cardiologist...yeah for me!! After visiting him he tells me once again that I have an enlarged heart and it has gotten slightly bigger over the last three years. Now on those days when I am feeling PMS free and I am spreading joy to those around me and they say "oh Jami you are so sweet you have such a big heart" I can respond "don't I know it." My newly acquired cardiologist tells me I need to have a heart cath done to find out what is causing this big ole heart of mine before they can treat me to prevent further damage. We proceed to schedule it for the following Thursday. Well the Wednesday before the scheduled procedure is my Mom's 78th birthday so being the dutiful daughter...well really just wanting an excuse to eat cake I go to my Mom's to spend the day with her. Hoping it will take my mind off of what is going to go on the following day it didn't really help. I was stressed all day and getting really anxious about the whole thing. Unfortunately I am one of those folks whom shows every emotion on her face. I mean I can say one thing but my face will tell you exactly what is really going on. So even if my mouth is lying my eyes, cheeks and everything else on my face will tell the truth. I wonder if perhaps a little botox would cure this problem. Don't worry I don't see botox in my near future considering the hospital bills that are now rolling in. I honestly don't think I can convince Tony to pay for botox right now. After I arrive home Wednesday night from my mom's I check the voice mail and find that the hospital has called and cancelled the procedure. Oh this is just fabulous so I spent my entire day stressing out for absolutely no reason. On Thursday morning when I wake up and contact the doctors office they tell me they have rescheduled the heart cath for the following Wednesday. (this was just this past Wednesday) I once again tell Tony he will need to take the day off to take me to the hospital. So when I first asked the cardiologist about this test I was told it was a forty five minute procedure with about a two hour recovery then I could go home. Well each time they reschedule this thing it gets a little longer. When they reschedule me now the procedure is still only forty five minutes to an hour with a recovery of six to seven hours then I can go home. Another little perk is I get to get my hoo hoo groomed for this thing. I didn't find this out until just this week when the lady at the hospital called to go over my instructions prior to the procedure. She said that there would be someone there to shave the area around the groin. When I asked if I could do it myself at home the night before she said "ma'am no we prefer to do it here at the hospital as you could nick yourself and cause an infection at the sight." I began to ask her about possibly using hair remover cream but then I thought about what happened last time I did that. (That is another post all to itself) I wanted so badly to ask her what is really worse infection or humiliation? Personally I don't like the thoughts of some stranger remodeling my basement under fluorescent lighting with probably a couple other orderlies or something standing around. I mean I am a woman who has been married for fifteen years and still prefers the lights be off at certain times if you know what I mean. For crying out loud if I don't want the man I have been married to for fifteen years to take a daylight tour of the basement how comfortable could I be with a total stranger wielding a sharp object on my hoo hoo. With the procedure scheduled for Wednesday needless to say I spend both Monday and Tuesday stressing myself out about the whole thing. I also have to mention how very little I appreciate those who make the comments like "oh it is no big deal, I have had one or so and so had one and they really aren't that bad." Oh really, you know what of course it isn't that bad in retrospect you idiots and it isn't that bad when it isn't you going through it. I also have to wonder if perhaps they are saying that like women tell pregnant women about child birth. We all lie about it to the one who is expecting "oh it isn't that bad." what a load of crap that is but we say it don't we ladies? Finally Wednesday arrives and I send the boys off to school and field the numerous phone calls from my family. I am getting ready to take a shower and head off for the world's most expensive "kitty grooming" and the phone rings. The lady informs me that my heart cath is going to once again have to be rescheduled. yeah I was definitely an ax murderer or something in a former life. This woman proceeds to tell me that the machine broke....okay...I guess I should just be happy that it broke now instead of in the middle of the procedure. So now I am once again in limbo waiting on the call to find out when it will be rescheduled. Another perk of not having a scheduled date for the kitty grooming procedure I did manage to get my Christmas tree down today. I had been considering decorating it for Valentine's day. Now however if the hospital or doctor doesn't contact me soon this grooming thing could become an issue if you know what I mean?? It appears hoo hoo is taking on her winter coat and if they don't call me soon Tony may not see the Forest for the trees!! I know I know too much information but cut me some slack here would ya? I have been through medical uckiness, the holidays, and the longest winter break in history..yeah did I mention my children went to school for an entire half day last week. Combined with the fact that good old Ohio got above freezing today or the first time this year. I will keep you posted with the latest when I have more and believe me there is always more!!