Yes I am really blogging!!

Yep so it has been a while I know. My only excuse is I have been busy being a little social butterfly and a woman of the world. LOL. Well perhaps I am being a little arrogant here but I finally made it to New York and Broadway and am feeling quite worldly. HAHA!! For me to even begin to cover my trip to NYC it will probably take at least a few blogs to share it all with all of you. To say that I made the most of my time in NYC puts it mildly. Really what could you expect a housewife from Pickaway County Ohio and hand her four days in NYC what do you think is going to happen? I suppose I should start with my sleeping arrangements. So in my previous blogs I mentioned my concern over my "spooning" issue. Well as it turned out I lucked out as there was an odd number of adults on the trip and there were only two other women in my room. I decided honesty was the best policy and was upfront about my "spooning" issue. Once the Art teacher told us who our room mates would be. I approached the two ladies who I would be sleeping with of my condition. Thankfully the two of them were already close friends anyway so I laid it all out there for them. That if either of them chose to share a bed with me just be prepared to wake in the morning with me attached to their front or backside depending on their own sleeping habits. This approach seemed to work because for the remainder of the trip I had a bed all to myself. Although they did choose to tell all the other parents and teachers on the trip of my confession making a running joke with all the adults on the trip. At least it was all out in the open rather than not confessing and having them awake feeling awkward and talking to the other folks behind my back. Besides I am forty one years old now and I gave up being prideful a long long time ago. Heck once you have given birth in a room full of people, taking a tumble in front of you son's entire football team and all of their parents and had your bra give way under all the pressure at your desk at work in front of all your coworkers you sort of decide to just throw in the towel. These little gems are just to mention a few of my more embarrassing moments, of course there are countless others. Granted my trip to the big city was not first class accommodations being that it was a trip with the Logan Elm High School art club but, my Momma taught me to be resourceful if nothing else. So when Drake ask about helping chaperon the trip I figured until I get my book sold and Matt Lauer from the today show is calling me to set up my interview this was probably my only shot of getting there. Since it wasn't a first class trip to NYC I had to get on a charter bus at eleven thirty at night from the school with twenty five high school students and travel all night by bus then freshen up on the bus and begin touring at ten a.m. I will try to attach pictures as I go to document my trip with photos as well as the stories. Don't get your hopes up to high though I am kind of computer illiterate. When we arrived in NYC we picked up our tour guide Franc in Hell's Kitchen. No I didn't see Gordon Ramsey (the violently mean dude from the cooking show) granted I wanted to. When we finally stepped off of the bus from hell after nearly half a days or should I say nights journey. It is a miracle that I didn't get whiplash. Not from the bus ride but when I stepped off the bus onto the New York City streets my head was nearly spinning trying to take in all of the sights and sounds. I was nearly spinning in circles tyring to look at all of the buildings, street signs and things I had only seen on television. After touring for a bit we headed to Grand Central Station to have lunch. Thank God the art teacher in charge of the trip was a laid back guy who let us do our own thing most of the time because once we got to each location for touring we were sort of left on our own to tour and told to be back at the bus at a certain time. Like I said thank God this was the case since it seems as if my arrival in the big city manifested some sort of adult onset ADHD and I often found myself separated from my group at nearly ever location. I would be talking and looking around mesmerized only to realize that I was talking to myself when I would look back everyone in my group would be gone. Oh don't feel bad for me I loved it this meant I got to explore on this trip on my own and take nearly four hundred pictures without anyone rushing me along. After the Grand Central lunch and photo ops we headed off for the art part of the trip. We visited the Whitney Museum then off to MOMA the Museum of Modern Art. I would love to tell you my short time in NYC had enlightened me but after hitting the sixth floor of MOMA I realized perhaps I wasn't quite as enlightened and worldly as I thought. OMG I get up to the sixth floor and read the large sign about it being a live art exhibit with nudity. The teacher had warned us about the nudity but I thought "hey it's art so it can't be embarrassing right? Oh how very very wrong I was. I go into the first room of the "live art" exhibit and see several nude photos hanging that were definitely not old renaissance type nudity. There was a woman in a Crucifixion type position with a banana seat bicycle between her legs. I have been here about twenty seconds and my eyes are burning already. A large crowd in the far corner then grabbed my attention so I venture over to see what is going on. It appears that line is forming so I figure I will just get in line to see where it leads. As I begin to make my way through the line I see two live naked people. One man and one woman standing less than a foot apart face to face and this line is for people to walk through the middle of them. Really? I have been standing in this stupid line so that I can try to squeeze myself between two completely naked strangers? Wouldn't my husband be proud. This is when I recognize my son Drake is several people ahead of me so I turn around and bury my head in the museum brochure to avoid being spotted or God forbid having to make eye contact with my 15 year old hormonal son. I am thinking OMG if he walks through these two naked "artist" I am going to faint right here in the middle of MOMA I have been in NYC for less than five hours and I am going to faint. As I am standing in line hiding behind my brochure and a large man in front of me Drake is about three people away from taking the naked passage to the next exhibit when God answers my prayer and my little angel veers right and takes the normal route to the next room avoiding the naked people completely. When I step out of line to follow Drake being grateful that he has found a way for me to see the rest of the exhibit without me having to put my body parts against total strangers naked parts I am overjoyed. At this point I am acutely aware that I must be blushing to the point that my face color is probably very close to the color of my hair. Which by the way is still a much deeper red than the bottle from Target indicated. Once I make my way to the next room I do a quick scan to make sure there are no more naked people in this part of the exhibit. Whew....not live naked people YAY for me. Feeling slightly better that I don't have to look at anymore "live art" I begin to peruse the screens hanging on the walls. I walk up to the first screen and a video pops up of a beautiful wheat field and blue sky good finally some real art even if it is a video the camera seems to be scanning the entire field and beautiful sky and suddenly zooms in on a figure in the field OMG you have got to be kidding me!! There is a naked guy humping a wheat field when I rapidly try to avert me eyes and turn myself away from what I can only call pornography I am faced with an even bigger screen this time with a large breasted naked woman sitting in a chair playing with ta ta's bouncing them up and down and smooshing them together feeling the heat in my face rising to near boiling level I decide it perhaps need to vacate the sixth floor and go view more traditional art. I am not shocked at the sight of a real life penis as you all know from my previous blogs I see anywhere from three to five a day depending on how many baths my family takes and if my two dogs are having one of their friskier days. It is the fact that people actually call this art that freaks my mind. As I finally make my way down to the first floor and I see a large group of people surrounding another exhibit. I decide to go find out what art is pulling such a large crowd. I knew it was safe because I ask one of the museum employees if there were anymore naked people or porn tapes on any other floor besides the sixth floor. He said all live nude art was the sixth floor only. As I was making my way through the crowd to see what fascinating art had captured every one's attention. I see some folks have even sat down on the floor to watch the art. I look to see one woman dressed in a red colonial style dress and a man sitting at a table not moving a muscle? Okey dokey? What the hell either I have lost my mind or I have entered some sort of other dimension I felt like I was in the movie Clockwork Orange. Granted I did stand there at the exhibit not to watch the exhibit but to watch the people watching the exhibit. I came to the conclusion that the people sitting and watching this for nearly an hour were crazier than the people in the exhibit themselves. I watched them stare mesmerized by a woman in a chair sitting across from a man in a chair with a table in between and this is art??? I know that I am not what anyone would call a highly cultured lady, but come on...really? If you are going to take naked people and put them on display and call it art you could at least Vajazzle the girls hoo ha's like Tara had mentioned in one of her blogs. And perhaps paint the willie's of the guys or put a sock puppet on it or something for crying out loud. After having all I could take of the art world for the day. I left the building and did some shopping since I had nearly an hour and half to kill before we had to meet back at the bus. Another blessing when I ran into Drake and his friends at H&M who also had left MOMA to shop as well. I will say that it did help me to feel quite proud that my teenage son opted even before I did to leave the museum. I guess I haven't done too awful bad raising him after all. Once back on the bus where it seemed that everyone was wearing there sunglasses and not saying much I decided to break the ice and ask how everyone enjoyed the naked people this got everyone to laughing and kept us all from feeling like a bunch of perverts for the rest of the trip. I mean really even though I may spoon a random stranger if he or she climbs in my bed. I can guarantee you that I will not be doing it naked. I won't even spoon my hubby totally naked. I am not one for even sleeping naked. Really what if there were any emergency in the middle of the night. Like say a house fire. I don't want to be standing in my front yard in the buff when the fire trucks roll up. Or worse yet what about an intruder. I really don't want to be defending myself against a lunatic in my birthday suit. Plus I would probably get the giggles because I get the giggles just thinking about it. How funny would that look trying to fight off an attacker nude. Parts would be flying and considering my bra size I would probably do more damage to myself than the intruder would. Anyway I have always heard that travel to large cities and art will really open one's eyes. I have to say I disagree as my experience at MOMA seemed to have my eyes closed more often than not. Off to the Chinese restaurant for dinner then onto the Empire State Building at dark. Where I once again got separated from my group and got to experience the two hour line and the view all on my own. Don't worry I managed to make friends while in line. I met a woman from Hungary and her husband from Germany who were visiting as there daughter was performing the following night at Carnegie Hall with a school group. After the Empire State Building and a quick stop at Starbucks....which happen to be on every other corner in NYC which is really a glimpse of heaven as far as I am concerned. We made our way to the bus and back to Jersey and the hotel for the night. See I told you it wasn't first class accommodations we didn't even get to sleep in the city that never sleeps. Instead we sleep at the airport Sheraton in Jersey. But hey I am not complaining at least the naked part of the trip was over and I had an actual bed to sleep in instead of on the bus. Will try to cover day two later today or tomorrow and believe me it just gets more and more interesting. There is still my performance of "I Will Survive" at the Italian restaurant as well as window dancing and black market shopping in China Town with several students. LOL