Moments of Motherhood!!

So I finally get to leave for Florida in only ten days and I can't wait! I am in dire need of a vacation as the end of the school year for the boys is always crazy busy. They have concerts, award banquets and exams and since I have managed to raise two of the most helpless individuals on the planet this means that my plate is quite full. I seriously do not see how either of them will ever manage to exist unless they intend to live with me for the rest of their natural born lives. Just this morning Peyton asked me what I did with the new socks that we purchased just last weekend. He says "hey Mom what did you do with all my new socks I haven't been able to find them since I wore them last week" to which I responded "Peyton I washed the socks sorted the socks and put the socks in your dresser." "No you didn't, I looked and they aren't in there" he says. When I go into his room and look into his dresser lo and behold what do I see?.....well new socks of course. I turn and give him my best Mommy is ticked face and he responds with "well no wonder I couldn't find them you put them in a different drawer!" OMG how dare I put the socks in a different drawer I mean what was I thinking that you would have the good sense or even the energy required to open a different drawer on your dresser my expectations are just way to high. I mean what kind of horrible mother am I thinking that you should have to locate you own socks in your own dresser. You should probably contact children's services. I should point out here that Peyton is not on my good list and this has nothing to do with just the sock incident. I should explain on Saturday (which was a lazy day) I went all out and cooked frozen pizza for an early dinner. Well when the pizza came out of the oven Peyton came flying into the kitchen and grabbed the pizza cutter and I told him to leave it be and let me slice it because I was afraid he would get burned. Of course he argued that he was old enough and smart enough to slice a stupid pizza so I obliged and allowed him to do it. Of course less than thirty seconds later Peyton is yelling and crying from the kitchen I return to find him holding his fingers as tears are rolling down his cheeks. Yep he burnt his finger....it was definitely and I told you so moment but of course I knew better than to say that at the time. So I kick into Mommy kiss it make it better mode grab the aloe grab the neosporin and bandages and do my mommy duty. After he is calmed down and dressed for the party he is going to I take him and drop him off. It is a sleep over party he is attending so I don't have to pick him up until Sunday. I wake up on Sunday and begin calling his phone repeatedly to no avail. Finally at around eleven thirty my phone rings and Peyton says I need to get over and pick him up right away everyone is leaving the party. He says this in a way that let's me know that once again today I will not be nominated for Mommy of the year. I get to the house and pick him up I of course stay in my vehicle because I am suffering from a severe case of Sunday morning bad hair and I don't want to humiliate my son in front of the other mothers and friends. I fail at this anyway since the hostess mommy decides to come out to my vehicle for a chat. This is just fabulous since I am not only sporting scary Sunday morning hair but I have decided to opt for no bra! How wonderful now she will not only know but will have been witness to my erectile dysfunction of my hoo ha's. They are perpetually in a state of attention. I have no idea why they are they just are. Of course Tony says it is from living with him all these years that I am in a constant state of amore and desire for him!!! The hostess mommy ask me how entertaining it is living with him. She informs me that Peyton kept them in stitches all night with his stories and then just gives me a wicked smile? This leaves me perplexed and wondering what stories Peyton has opted to share with these people. Considering the state of my hoo ha's and my hair I decide it is best not to ask what he has told them. I simply can not bare anymore humiliation this is a moment where ignorance is definitely bliss. I inform hostess mommy that I really need to get going to avoid hearing what family secrets he has revealed. When I eventually make my escape with Peyton he launches into a tirade about how the bandaged I had applied to his finger the night before had caused him some great suffering because sometime during the party his finger got wet. Which caused his finger to start hurting quite bad and when he removed the bandage he found that his finger was all wrinkled up. He says this caused him to think of something that he had been meaning to ask me. Oh noooo...I know the next comment out of his mouth is not going to do anything to serve my self esteem. Peyton says "wrinkly skin really hurts and I was wondering if all of those wrinkles on your face hurt real bad?".....These are the moments when I really want to slap my own mother..why didn't she warn me? Why didn't she tell me about how ugly motherhood could be? Why didn't she let me know how cruel and oblivious children can be? After doing several deep breathing exercises I can finally respond to let him know that no ALL of the wrinkles on my face don't hurt at all. I don't mention it is not the wrinkles that hurt it is only when someone points out their existence that it hurts. Okay I'll admit it sometimes hurts when I look in the mirror as well. Well enough of my whining for now onto happier topics. As I mentioned earlier the kids have been really busy with school things since the year is winding down. Last Tuesday evening Drake has his last choir concert for the year. He was really excited about this particular concert since he was going to be playing his acoustic guitar for one of the numbers. He told me he would be sitting on the stage playing guitar with the rest of the men's choir standing around him and singing. He said he was really nervous and excited at the same time. He said I was going to love it because he had a special surprise for me after the performance. Once at the concert after watching the other choirs I finally see the men's choir and Drake is on the stage and when I see him up there my heart swells watching him and of course I start crying seeing him on stage doing what he loves. As they finish their song as I am wiping my eyes the men's choir on the stage goes into some sort of football like huddle and Henry one of Drake's close friends in the choir starts saying "man I need to find me another Caroline fellas"..they all start saying go get her I know she is out there...when Henry leaps from the stage and begins going through the audience and all of the guys on stage are saying no Henry over there...he keeps looking and then I realize what my surprise is!! OMG Henry comes right up to me in the audience pulls me from my chair and leads me to the stage sits me on a stool and the entire Logan Elm Men's Choir begins serenading me Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline. These boys are running their fingers through my hair grabbing my hands singing to me on bended knee as the song is getting ready to end all of them hand me red roses. At this point I am feeling as though I am going to faint right there on stage in front of everyone. Once the torture is finally over and I am escorted back to my seat with an armful of roses and my face now the same crimson color as my hair I can actually breathe. When the concert ends and the lights in the auditorium come on people are laughing and making comments to me about like "see ya Caroline"" don't forget to put the rose in water Caroline" mostly funny comments all in jest. Except for one mother who apparently was irritated that I was selected for this little number because she stands up from her seat walks right over to me and says "your name isn't even Caroline is it huh?" and turns around and walks off. Okey dokey I guess she wanted to be the one humiliated and dragged upon the stage so sorry. I ask Peyton to go find Drake so that we can get out of here before I have to hear anymore comments about tonight's performance and I don't much feel like walking through the crowd of people since I am acutely aware that everyone knows who I am at this point. Granted I am sure most of them think my name is really Caroline I don't want anymore attention this evening. Peyton finally makes his way back to me with Drake following closely behind and Peyton doesn't look all too happy. When they get to where I am seated Peyton looks over to Drake and tells him that he needs to beat the crap out of Ian because Ian told Peyton that his mom had a nice rack!!! This started another argument because Drake thought this comment was funny and Peyton thought is was rude and that Drake should defend his mother's honor and beat him up. I told them both to drop it and let's just please leave now!! I most certainly didn't need a school brawl to draw any more attention to myself or my family at this point. I would like to tell you that I regretted the evening but I didn't at all. It was well worth a little embarrassment to see Drake on that stage playing his guitar and singing. And as a bonus I know it created a memory that Drake will never forget so it was all worth it. Then on the other hand I hope Drake does make it really big in the music industry so I can afford to pay for the therapy for Peyton as I am sure it will take some pretty intensive therapy to help him recover from having his wrinkly faced mother and her big boobs taken to the stage and spotlighted for the entire school to see. Witnessing Drake up there on the stage doing what he loved prompted me to spend this past weekend getting my book ready for submission to agents. I figured I better set a good example about following your dreams if I expect him to follow is own. So hopefully by weeks end I will have it sent off to a few agencies and will be ready for the rejections to role in. But I know eventually it will get to the right person at the right time and then I will be able to say that I am a published author!!

Woo Hoo Fishing Weekend!!

So I am acutely aware that it has been way too long since my last blog. So allow me to begin with saying thank you too all of those who keep asking me when I am going to write again your love and support are awesome.!! Now I do have several very well grounded excuses for my lack of sharing lately. I have taken on a new hobby which I have discovered is now consuming most of my time and energy. I have even let my crops wither on Farmville in my pursuit of my new hobby...thank you Mary for using your unwithering powers to save my butt! Yet I can say this is not my fault I total want to blame the network NBC (no not for the whole Conan O'Brion / Jay Leno Thing) but because of that new show "Who Do you Think You Are?" This show prompted my brothers Trent Brent and I to start researching our genealogy. OMG I think perhaps I might have a slightly addictive or compulsive personality. You see it all started off simple enough I got Brent to pay for the membership to Ancestors.com. Of course he had to pay for it I don't have a job! We were going to play around a little see what we could find. I suppose a person with a slightly addictive personality, too much time on her hands as well as an avid lover of puzzles should not have gotten involved in this. Especially being from the family I am from anyone who knows this family knows this is going to be one GIANT puzzle. To tell you this has been interesting would be putting it mildly. The computer search has turned into what I have been told is graving? So you don't know about graving well it is visiting cemetery's doing research and documenting the headstones of all of my dead relatives. The next step in my latest addiction was to visit our local genealogical library in Circleville. Holy crap this place is awesome!! You well maybe not you...but definitely me can dig up soooooo much dirt on the family. On my very first visit to the library I find out Grandpa was arrested during prohibition for bootlegging and possession of alcohol. Ironically this is the very first official record that I obtain a copy of. Not a birth certificate, not a marriage license not even a cool photo, newspaper article or death certificate. The very first surname in my tree in the surname index is a criminal record!! Go figure? The second item on the list says it is a Justice of the Peach record. I think cool perhaps Grandma and Grandpa got married at the court house. Really from the stories I had heard I knew there was probably not a huge church wedding or anything. When I turn to the page record that the index instructed do I find a nice normal marriage record??? Oh hell no..instead I find out while Grandpa was busy getting arrested for possession of alcohol and carrying concealed weapons Grandma was being taken to court repeatedly by the local grocer for charging groceries and then not paying for them. Well I suppose considering the court fines that were being racked up by good ole Gramps she didn't have the money to buy them. So we will blame the man here...don't you think we should? Isn't everything bad on earth a mans fault? Oh don't be like those who blame it on Eve...I am convinced it all falls back on Adam. I mean if a man didn't lose his mind every time he sees a nice pair of ta ta's we wouldn't be in the mess we are in. Plus I find it really hard to believe that any woman ever got a man to do something he didn't want to do in the first place. And another point is so the very first man on earth not only listened too but actually respected Eve's opinion and then followed through with her ideas??? Really??? So then it was just every other man ever born after that that is different? I get it??? Yep...here I go again getting off track. but you have to admit it is really fun reading the ramblings of a person with A.D.D. Well anyway so this first line in the family tree even though it appeared it was going to be really bad actually seem to get a little better the further we go back in the records. I mean this is good right? Not really if you think about it. Because I discovered that instead of like most families that tend to marry up and gain more wealth and status with each passing generation I seem to come from a rare line of people who marry down get poorer more in debt and gain a a reputation instead of status.I have spent so much time on the computer at various library's and cemetery's my husband and children now ask before leaving for work and school if I am going to go hang out with the dead. In fact one night last week when my brother Brent and I were out doing research causing me to not get home until after ten o'clock I was reprimanded by my twelve year old son Peyton. Who upon my arrival informed me that he thought that I had become obsessed with all this gynecology stuff (his word not mine) and that I was spending more time with my dead relatives than with my living ones. To which I responded of course I do first of all they don't talk back to me and second of all I think they actually listen more than the males in my house do. So me being an awful lot like my mother the more they complain about my new hobby the more time I devote to doing it. Now so far I found war hero's, bootlegger, bastards even one who is bastard from her mother...yeah I know seriously? Who on earth unless you are adopted doesn't know who your mother is. Unknown mother on your birth certificate and still an unknown mother on your marriage record and unknown mother on your death certificate. I mean how does that even happen. Come one you give birth and even if you die while doing that (which death is exactly what I was praying for while giving birth to my own) Couldn't the doctor or the coroner or the undertaker, or funeral director ask perhaps the man claiming to be the father what this lady's name is? This would be a question I think most people would ask. Then there is one ax murderer (not a direct ancestor just the brother of one) Shut Up I have to sleep at night. So now when I use my famous line when having a particularly bad day that I may have been an ax murderer in a previous life I will know it wasn't me just a great great great great great uncle that was the ax murdered. He was a seaman who came home from many long months at sea to find his lovely bride doing more than spooning with a young stud. So he grabbed his ax and then put them in the wood chipper. Personally I think I understand where he was coming from. I have already warned Tony that if I were to ever catch him dipping his paint stick in someone else's paint can I would pull a Bobbit on him. Laurena Bobbit is really one of my personal hero's. Finally the women to actually do what I know women for centuries have dreamed about. Then there is another great grandmother of mine that I have parents for a birth record and death record the only problem is I can't find her buried anywhere. She isn't buried with her children...she isn't buried with her husband....she isn't buried with her parents or siblings. She isn't it the family plot of her line she isn't it any of the surrounding counties. I am starting to wonder if perhaps granny is buried somewhere in Millport it has even crossed my mind that I may have played a nice game of kickball on a hot summer day right on top of grandma's unmarked grave. Heck the stuff I am finding out or not finding out nothing would shock me. And my families line of work for the last few generations did have access to a lot of heavy equipment including backhoes? Well folks I have a lot more to say on this and many other stories to share but my eyelids are getting heavy my fingers are slowing down and besides that Tony is in Lake Cumberland fishing and I can actually have complete control of the remotes. Please don't worry though I did have Tony give me a crash training course on how to use each remote I even used post it notes on each one to know what the heck I was doing. I should be able to blog a little more tomorrow though since Tony is fishing, Drake has plans the rest of the weekend. If I can just find someone to take Peyton and my two idiot dogs I will have it made. Now I really have to go...but i will be back soon! Hope you all have a great weekend!