Moments of Motherhood!!

So I finally get to leave for Florida in only ten days and I can't wait! I am in dire need of a vacation as the end of the school year for the boys is always crazy busy. They have concerts, award banquets and exams and since I have managed to raise two of the most helpless individuals on the planet this means that my plate is quite full. I seriously do not see how either of them will ever manage to exist unless they intend to live with me for the rest of their natural born lives. Just this morning Peyton asked me what I did with the new socks that we purchased just last weekend. He says "hey Mom what did you do with all my new socks I haven't been able to find them since I wore them last week" to which I responded "Peyton I washed the socks sorted the socks and put the socks in your dresser." "No you didn't, I looked and they aren't in there" he says. When I go into his room and look into his dresser lo and behold what do I see?.....well new socks of course. I turn and give him my best Mommy is ticked face and he responds with "well no wonder I couldn't find them you put them in a different drawer!" OMG how dare I put the socks in a different drawer I mean what was I thinking that you would have the good sense or even the energy required to open a different drawer on your dresser my expectations are just way to high. I mean what kind of horrible mother am I thinking that you should have to locate you own socks in your own dresser. You should probably contact children's services. I should point out here that Peyton is not on my good list and this has nothing to do with just the sock incident. I should explain on Saturday (which was a lazy day) I went all out and cooked frozen pizza for an early dinner. Well when the pizza came out of the oven Peyton came flying into the kitchen and grabbed the pizza cutter and I told him to leave it be and let me slice it because I was afraid he would get burned. Of course he argued that he was old enough and smart enough to slice a stupid pizza so I obliged and allowed him to do it. Of course less than thirty seconds later Peyton is yelling and crying from the kitchen I return to find him holding his fingers as tears are rolling down his cheeks. Yep he burnt his finger....it was definitely and I told you so moment but of course I knew better than to say that at the time. So I kick into Mommy kiss it make it better mode grab the aloe grab the neosporin and bandages and do my mommy duty. After he is calmed down and dressed for the party he is going to I take him and drop him off. It is a sleep over party he is attending so I don't have to pick him up until Sunday. I wake up on Sunday and begin calling his phone repeatedly to no avail. Finally at around eleven thirty my phone rings and Peyton says I need to get over and pick him up right away everyone is leaving the party. He says this in a way that let's me know that once again today I will not be nominated for Mommy of the year. I get to the house and pick him up I of course stay in my vehicle because I am suffering from a severe case of Sunday morning bad hair and I don't want to humiliate my son in front of the other mothers and friends. I fail at this anyway since the hostess mommy decides to come out to my vehicle for a chat. This is just fabulous since I am not only sporting scary Sunday morning hair but I have decided to opt for no bra! How wonderful now she will not only know but will have been witness to my erectile dysfunction of my hoo ha's. They are perpetually in a state of attention. I have no idea why they are they just are. Of course Tony says it is from living with him all these years that I am in a constant state of amore and desire for him!!! The hostess mommy ask me how entertaining it is living with him. She informs me that Peyton kept them in stitches all night with his stories and then just gives me a wicked smile? This leaves me perplexed and wondering what stories Peyton has opted to share with these people. Considering the state of my hoo ha's and my hair I decide it is best not to ask what he has told them. I simply can not bare anymore humiliation this is a moment where ignorance is definitely bliss. I inform hostess mommy that I really need to get going to avoid hearing what family secrets he has revealed. When I eventually make my escape with Peyton he launches into a tirade about how the bandaged I had applied to his finger the night before had caused him some great suffering because sometime during the party his finger got wet. Which caused his finger to start hurting quite bad and when he removed the bandage he found that his finger was all wrinkled up. He says this caused him to think of something that he had been meaning to ask me. Oh noooo...I know the next comment out of his mouth is not going to do anything to serve my self esteem. Peyton says "wrinkly skin really hurts and I was wondering if all of those wrinkles on your face hurt real bad?".....These are the moments when I really want to slap my own mother..why didn't she warn me? Why didn't she tell me about how ugly motherhood could be? Why didn't she let me know how cruel and oblivious children can be? After doing several deep breathing exercises I can finally respond to let him know that no ALL of the wrinkles on my face don't hurt at all. I don't mention it is not the wrinkles that hurt it is only when someone points out their existence that it hurts. Okay I'll admit it sometimes hurts when I look in the mirror as well. Well enough of my whining for now onto happier topics. As I mentioned earlier the kids have been really busy with school things since the year is winding down. Last Tuesday evening Drake has his last choir concert for the year. He was really excited about this particular concert since he was going to be playing his acoustic guitar for one of the numbers. He told me he would be sitting on the stage playing guitar with the rest of the men's choir standing around him and singing. He said he was really nervous and excited at the same time. He said I was going to love it because he had a special surprise for me after the performance. Once at the concert after watching the other choirs I finally see the men's choir and Drake is on the stage and when I see him up there my heart swells watching him and of course I start crying seeing him on stage doing what he loves. As they finish their song as I am wiping my eyes the men's choir on the stage goes into some sort of football like huddle and Henry one of Drake's close friends in the choir starts saying "man I need to find me another Caroline fellas"..they all start saying go get her I know she is out there...when Henry leaps from the stage and begins going through the audience and all of the guys on stage are saying no Henry over there...he keeps looking and then I realize what my surprise is!! OMG Henry comes right up to me in the audience pulls me from my chair and leads me to the stage sits me on a stool and the entire Logan Elm Men's Choir begins serenading me Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline. These boys are running their fingers through my hair grabbing my hands singing to me on bended knee as the song is getting ready to end all of them hand me red roses. At this point I am feeling as though I am going to faint right there on stage in front of everyone. Once the torture is finally over and I am escorted back to my seat with an armful of roses and my face now the same crimson color as my hair I can actually breathe. When the concert ends and the lights in the auditorium come on people are laughing and making comments to me about like "see ya Caroline"" don't forget to put the rose in water Caroline" mostly funny comments all in jest. Except for one mother who apparently was irritated that I was selected for this little number because she stands up from her seat walks right over to me and says "your name isn't even Caroline is it huh?" and turns around and walks off. Okey dokey I guess she wanted to be the one humiliated and dragged upon the stage so sorry. I ask Peyton to go find Drake so that we can get out of here before I have to hear anymore comments about tonight's performance and I don't much feel like walking through the crowd of people since I am acutely aware that everyone knows who I am at this point. Granted I am sure most of them think my name is really Caroline I don't want anymore attention this evening. Peyton finally makes his way back to me with Drake following closely behind and Peyton doesn't look all too happy. When they get to where I am seated Peyton looks over to Drake and tells him that he needs to beat the crap out of Ian because Ian told Peyton that his mom had a nice rack!!! This started another argument because Drake thought this comment was funny and Peyton thought is was rude and that Drake should defend his mother's honor and beat him up. I told them both to drop it and let's just please leave now!! I most certainly didn't need a school brawl to draw any more attention to myself or my family at this point. I would like to tell you that I regretted the evening but I didn't at all. It was well worth a little embarrassment to see Drake on that stage playing his guitar and singing. And as a bonus I know it created a memory that Drake will never forget so it was all worth it. Then on the other hand I hope Drake does make it really big in the music industry so I can afford to pay for the therapy for Peyton as I am sure it will take some pretty intensive therapy to help him recover from having his wrinkly faced mother and her big boobs taken to the stage and spotlighted for the entire school to see. Witnessing Drake up there on the stage doing what he loved prompted me to spend this past weekend getting my book ready for submission to agents. I figured I better set a good example about following your dreams if I expect him to follow is own. So hopefully by weeks end I will have it sent off to a few agencies and will be ready for the rejections to role in. But I know eventually it will get to the right person at the right time and then I will be able to say that I am a published author!!