Pulling a Myrtle

So sorry for the long wait in between blogs and thanks to all of those who have been asking for one. But I do have an excellent excuse it is called "snow" and I have had about enough of it. We have already went over our calamity days by 5 days and another snow storm is on the way. I don't know what warped ancestor of mine was traveling from the east and stopped in central Ohio and said this is a good place to put down roots. What on earth could they have been thinking. I think whoever it was must have been a glutton for punishment. I am thinking perhaps they had been ax murderers or something and felt compelled to suffer some sort sentence. This had to be the case because I cannot for the life of me think what person in their right mind would stop here stay for a winter and think for even one moment that this is the perfect place to call home. Winter in Ohio typically stinks anyway but this year has been particularly rank as we are on par for having the worst February on record and then you get to couple that with the fact that my Mom is in Florida, my sister is in Florida and my niece is in California and they all feel it necessary to report the glorious weather and the sunshine to the point I want to leap through the phone line and wrap my ever shrinking fingers around their delicate little throats. See I have been a stay at home mom for nearly three years now. And I have adjusted extremely well to my schedule (which actually is non-existent) but it does allow me many hours of solitude (which I enjoy immensely) and still allows me enough time to sprinkle some carpet fresh and spray some febreeze prior to Tony and the boys returning home. These two little tricks of mine allow by ever loving to believe that I have worked my little fingers to the bone cleaning and cooking all the day long. Well due to all of the snow we are having my children have had six snow days this month alone and my dearest has been sick and yet insist on going to work each day only to arrive home early each and every stinking day. I will have to say his timing is impeccable though because he only shows up after I have decided to tackle another home project that I have managed to avoid for the last three years. Things like, the laundry room, the walk in closet, the fireplace and the list could go on and on. See when I decide to tackle a cleaning project I typically pull what our family calls "a Myrtle" this is lovingly named for my mother who would often tackle projects on a much larger scale than I would ever attempt. I will give a few examples of "a Myrtle" for instance, once when mom and dad were still blissfully married (I may be stretching that a bit) since I don't see how she could have ever been blissfully married to that idiot. (I am thinking perhaps I should dig out one of my self help books again as a small case of bitterness is seeping in I suspect....better yet the Bible most especially the part about forgiveness????) anyway one evening at the dinner table my father mentioned that he was thinking of redoing the bath room and wanted to be rid of the ugly outdated tile in that room and replace it. Dad was thinking down the road perhaps when there was more disposable income to do so. Well my precious Mom takes everything literally and when you talk about something future tense she takes future tense to mean tomorrow. So the first day that dad returned to work my mom goes in and basically destroys the bathroom breaking each and every piece of the tile and taking the walls nearly down to the studs. Mom disillusioned herself so much that she actually believed that dad would be so happy that she got him a great jump start on his project. Needless to say dad was not a happy camper when he arrived to find that his wife has destroyed and began a project he was not planning to actually do anytime in the foreseeable future. (I wonder why they ever divorced?) Another great example of "pulling a Myrtle", this one years later after dad had taken up with that obnoxious southern person (sorry folks that is as nice as I can be you don't even want to know what other adjectives are running through my brain right now) Mind you that when the divorce happened dad got all the good stuff (meaning the bank accounts and the nice home in Florida. Mom on the other hand got the old house in Ohio along with four children still at home three rotten little boys and one perfect little red haired angel. (shut up it is my story and I will write the facts as I choose to see them) So to say that the divorce wasn't good for our financial picture is a massive understatement. So being without the means to meet even most of our basic needs my mom thinks the kitchen needs a makeover (this I still don't understand since there wasn't much food in there anyway) So I arrive home from school one day, walk into our kitchen only to find my mother perched upon my brother Brent's shoulders taking down the kitchen cabinets. Now I am sure this was a pretty easy thing to accomplish since there probably wasn't any food items in the cabinets anyway. Yet even being a young child I knew that if we didn't have the money to properly stock the cabinets then we probably didn't have the money to replace the cabinets???? When I posed the question to Mom about the getting new cabinets she said she wasn't sure how but she wanted them. So there is just a couple of examples of "pulling a Myrtle". Like I said I sometimes pull a Myrtle but never to the level of the original with that being said when I decide to tackle a home project such as doing a thorough deep cleaning I basically destroy and dismantle everything and start from scratch. (this annoys the tar out of Tony which only makes it that much more enjoyable) So with the kids being home I couldn't pull the carpet fresh and febreeze trick being that I would have two witnesses to testify to my lack of actual work when Tony arrived home from work and ask what I did all day. So I decide on Monday to tackle the walk in closet. (your would be amazed at the amount of things you can have in a six by six foot area) So I begin by tearing everything out of the closet and when i have finished that I notice that i have completely covered my bed as well as every square inch of floor space in my bedroom. Of course once I have completely destroyed the bedroom Tony decides to come home early from work. Well being the ever optimistic Myrtle I think he will be pleased that I finally got around to addressing this disaster. I was not at all correct in this assumption. Especially since half of the things in the closet are Tony's and Tony being Tony (meaning total control freak) goes into a total panic as to what I am doing with all of his stuff and issuing warnings that he better be able to find what he needs when I have finished this little task. While he is rambling on I am thinking "hum so it is easier to dig through miles and miles of paperwork in a filing cabinet (yes he has a filing cabinet in my walk in closet and yes it takes up valuable real estate that could be used much more wisely for more shoes and purses.) than it would be to actually organize the filing cabinet with actual files and labels clearly marked so that when you open it and need a bank statement there is an actually file marked bank statement" and yes I will proudly state that not only is this the case I even have them in a three ring binder starting from the back oldest to newest. So glad to know that I haven't lost my clerical skills. Oh another funny little moment to note: while cleaning the closet I did locate the ab machine that I had purchased off of some infomercial tucked right up next to my walker I have to use when my back goes out. I found this a little ironic, since if I would just use the ab machine I would have not need to ever use the walker again. I just think God has such a sense of humor. So that was just Monday. (OMG yes it literally took all day Monday) So being spurred on by my accomplishment the previous day on Tuesday I am talking to my niece Heather on the phone and she is getting back into the fen shui books again and she begins telling me about the location of my laundry room is a very vital part of my house that is tied in with my finances and my career. She says that if I really want to get my book published I need to address the laundry room and it must be cleaned and organized on the chi won't flow and I will just spin my wheels. Holy crap well I have my next project. So I begin destroying and dismantling the laundry room which of course spills out into the kitchen. And of course at the very worst stage of this project here comes Tony home early again. OMG seriously what contest in hell did I win? So Tony rounds the corner into the kitchen just at the exact moment I am standing on a chair in the laundry room getting ready to paint something above the shelf with red craft paint that will encourage more chi to flow. Oh quit it I am a bored housewife and I am really good at taking advice when offered. This is a good thing......I think?? So when I spot Tony in the kitchen I immediately hide the paint brush and the paper plate where I have squirted the craft paint. When he looks at me like a child who is about to be scolded he ask what I am doing. I explain to him that I am cleaning and organizing the laundry room. He makes some sort of asinine comment along the lines of "oh I thought you were destroying the kitchen. " HAHA very funny now shut up and go away. I wouldn't dare tell him that above the storage shelf in red paint it is now written "The Truth of Most of It, by Jami McComas New York Times Best Selling author. See Tony is very old school and not open to what he calls "this new agey stuff". He feels you should read the bible to study God's word and pray for the things you want and wait. Now I am totally with him on this but hey I figure if cleaning my laundry room will perhaps persuade God to pay me a little visit more often why not? I also tied red ribbon around every water pipe in my kitchen laundry room and both bathrooms to help the chi flow as well. Which of course Tony discovered last night as I was taking my bath. He comes in to brush his teeth. (I can never take a bath in this house without an audience you would think I have the most beautiful body God ever created being that whenever I am in the tub someone either Tony or one of the boys needs to come in a have some discussion. So I am trying to shave my legs and Tony looks over and says "hey who tied red ribbon around the water pipes." to which I respond "what?" they say if you don't want to answer a questions just respond with a question. (By the way that doesn't work) when he repeats it I just say "oh I read somewhere that it was good luck." At least this got him to leave me alone since he just shook his head and left the room. I think he said something sarcastic but I put my head under the water so that I wouldn't hear it. I am too tired to argue with him tonight with all the actual cleaning that I have done this week. So yesterday even though the boys finally went back to school for the first time this week I still felt motivated to tackle another room. I decided to take on the family room yesterday. I needed to do this one because last week our big screen television finally bit the dust (Thank you God) see when I say big screen I don't mean one of those nice sleek flat screens that everyone has. No this thing is a 60" inch black monstrosity that takes up an entire wall. So when the tv finally broke Tony said we would purchase a flat screen and he will build me a custom entertainment center along one wall. So I decide to go ahead and clean and organize the room to prepare for my new entertainment center and television. (Granted if this promised project goes anything like my master bathroom I could be waiting another decade) The new entertainment center is also going to have a place to put all of my books according to Tony. (he is truly clueless. He must be referring to the books he actually sees. He obviously has forgotten about the the giant plastic storage bins in the shed filled to the brim with my books. So I suppose the horrific winter we are having does have at least one one positive since my house is cleaner and more organized than it has ever been. Well seeing that you are reading this blog you must know that all the motivation earlier in the week has now passed. But I do need to get off of this computer and go take a shower sprinkle my carpet fresh and spray my febreeze before Tony comes home early again. Oh he certainly will since tonight I get to once again go to a wrestling meet in Chillicothe for wrestling sectionals and depending on how Drake does I may be there again tomorrow. (Is it wrong to quietly wish you son to lose?) And for my sister Janice if you mention my pending birthday on facebook including my age one more time I will have no other recourse than to use my scanner and post some not so flattering pics of you on facebook. Just a little warning sissy you know I love ya! And to those of you who enquire about my blog please keep the comments coming I like to know that I can make you smile and even laugh a little and it really does encourage me to continue writing so God willing the next snow storm won't be as bad and I can actually kick out a few next week.