It Said My Faith Would Be Tested Not My Sanity

Now I know somewhere in the bible (don't ask me where) about faith being tested. Well that is all well and good but it never mentioned anything about my sanity being tested. So folks don't worry my faith is utterly and completely intact. I without any doubt believe in God and that hee sent his son to die for me being such a loser. Yet I have to add that I believe in a God who has one totally hysterical sense of humor. When he does finally pull me through the valley of winter 2009 -2010 I plan on having a real heated discussion about funny only being funny for so long. That is if I survive this winter without the men in the white coats coming to cart me off and inject me with drugs so powerful that I don't even know my own name. Well this morning at five thirty am as I am fast asleep dreaming about my Matt Lauer Today show interview when I get my book published there is suddenly a loud nasty vibration coming from my nightstand. Oh no you didn't....... get your mind out of the gutter girls it was my cell phone. It was an incoming text announcing that our school was on a two hour delay. Okay I can handle that no problem. Being that I am stricken with a lifelong case of once up always up I know there is no use in trying to snuggle back in bed and catch a few more winks. Even if those winks include me being on the set of the today show with Matt. I decide to go ahead and make the coffee and enjoy the two additional hours of solitude before I wake the boys for school. I look outside and see that there are just a few snow flurries and think we are in the clear in a couple of more hours I will get Tony out the door and the boys off to school and enjoy the rest of my day. I am nearly one third of the way to my goal of a husband and child free home I have packed Tony's lunch made his coffee and have his mug and his lunch sitting on the table by the front door. I may as well kick him in the rear end on the way out and say see ya!! He just thinks that I am being a a sweet and dutiful wife he would never guess my ulterior motives. When I just about have him out the door I can hear it OMG it can't be there is that nasty vibrating sound indicating an incoming text. I nearly start spinning in circles like one of my two Jack Russell's I am trying to decide if I ignore the text, if perhaps I even toss the cell phone out the front door and into the creek next to my house if it will change anything. I nearly fall to my knees as I go to touch this devil phone vibrating and gyrating just waiting on me to open it and read the dreaded message it is about to deliver. Those words that can strike fear and anxiety into the hearts of any Mom....Logan Elm School Districts New Status.......Closed!!! Since Tony is still home I refrain from the reaction I really wanted to have for fear that he would contact the men in the white coats sooner rather than later. So I try to busy myself until at least he pulls out of the drive. I fake sanity smile and give him a kiss and an I love you have a great day and safe trip in. I open the door to nearly throw him out and the rage flares pardon my french "what in the hell"...there is no snow on my road...there is no snow on my porch..there is no snow coming from the sky..really wait is that the sun I see in the sky. I must be losing it ....no wait...oh yeah now even the birds are in on this whole thing they flipping birds are chirping. so let me get this straight..no snow on road, no snow falling, no snow on porch, sun in the sky and birds chirping and school is cancelled. I go in search of my phone book I am thinking I really need to contact the superintendent and let her have it..crap I can't do that our superintendent resigned last month. Who is the interim one? Okay this isn't really happening maybe the local news station accidentally resent and old text. I grab the computer to go the website just to doublecheck yeah that has got to be it. Some automated thing or some young intern at the station has sent this second text by mistake. As I am logging on I am laughing to myself thinking this will be a really funny story to tell later. When I finally sign in a scroll down to my county my fantasy ends and reality comes crashing in. Theeeeeiiir....hoooooo...ooome for the whole day!! Okay maybe I could leave and note for them saying there was some sort of an emergency I could grab my laptop my latest book and I could hide at my Mom's for the rest of the day. I could even call Michelle and she could come over and hang out. (Michelle a girl who has been my friend since grade school lives just two miles from Mom's) We could drink coffee and lay around and talk maybe even grab some lunch. Just as I am about to make a run for it God reminds me what happened the last time I left my boys home alone. No they were not to young to be left at home this was last summer fourteen and twelve years old should be old enough to leave home alone for forty five minutes?? Not my little angels. Last summer Tony and I had our vehicle taken in for service to prepare it for out planned vacation to Florida. The shop called right after he arrived home from work and said my vehicle was ready. Tony said we should just go get it right away because if he comes in he won't feel like going back out. What he really means is if I come in I will strip down to my undies and you will not be able to pry the remote out of my hand or pry me from the bed later. I tell Tony I will just get the kids and have them get their shoes on and we will all leave. Tony suggest that just the two of us go and leave the children home. When I stare blankly at him as if he has grown a second head he ask what the problem is. I tell him there is no problem I am just wondering if he has ever met our children. The boys sensing some sort of drama come running out of their rooms and ask what is going on. I explain that we need to go pick up my vehicle from the service station and his father wants them to stay here while we do. Being so smug and sure of myself and sure that I know my children I know they will not agree to this. Little brats....they turn on me "oh come on Mom please let us stay here nothing will happen. Then Tony chimes in "come on Jami you can't treat them like babies forever. You are turning them both into crying little mamma's boys." (Please remember this line for later) He continues "you are over protective we are going to be gone less than an hour I think they can manage for less than an hour. What is the worst that could happen?" (Remember this one as well) Well we make to the service station pay and get my keys. I tell Tony that I need to run to Kroger and grab a couple of things a before heading home. He says he is going straight home and I tell him to let the boys know I will just grab some takeout for dinner after I leave the store. As I am walking through the store thinking about how cool of a mom I am. I am sure Tony and the boys are right I need to start loosening the apron strings just a little. I am in line loading my purchases on the little conveyor belt thing and the phone rings. I answer to hear Drake breathing heavy and sounding quite panicked and crying. "Uhhh Mom...Uuuuuh this is uuuuh Drake...and uuuh Mom something bad happened (this is when I can hear Peyton screaming like a banshee in the back ground) Mom there is a lot of blood but...I have pressure on it...where are you? (more blood curdling screams from Peyton) trying to stay calm and avoid being the crazy woman in the local Kroger I remain quite calm as the cashier is scanning my items I tell Drake to stay calm keep pressure on the cut and try to calm Peyton down. I tell him I need to hang up and call his Dad since his dad should have been home already and I will call him right back. Do you remember Tony's comment about crying Momma's boys and what is the worst that could happen) Not bragging or anything but yep Mom once again was right. When I call Tony he decided to take the flipping scenic route home really the scenic route in Pickaway county goes something like this cow, tree, road kill, hill, curve, $300,000.00 house, trailer, cow, horse, barn, hit the brakes......deer. I tell him he needs to get home and take Peyton to the ER for stitches or something I am on my way as well. Imagine this I actually beat Tony home to find that my house looks like the Manson family stopped by for a visit. Obviously after Peyton fell and cut his head open he must have ran in circles throughout the entire house as there is blood on the carpet from the front door, through the formal living room, into the dining room, into the family room, into the small bath all then leading back to the scene of the incident where the volume of blood soaked carpet really increased in his bedroom. Tony finally makes his way home from his scenic journey through the countryside to get Peyton to the ER. I spent the rest of the evening cleaning blood from the carpet. By the way never...let me repeat never us peroxide on beige Berber carpet to remove blood. Yes it does remove the blood but the blood stain is then replaced by a glaring white spots that resemble some sort of orbs in your carpet. Of course Peyton was fine after getting three staples in his head. So with the replay of this incident pushed once again to the forefront of my brain. I opt to cancel my plan of running away for the day to Mom's. So yep another dag gone snow day. That is why I have not been able to blog until so late this evening. To top it off I just got up to grab a diet coke and looked outside...Guess what folks???....I am telling you God is real hoot...it is snowing.!!! Should I go ahead and throw my phone in the creek tonight to avoid the dreaded text? I will try to blog again tomorrow ( I happen to be an optimist) if not and there is another snow day and I finally snap I will have my psycho-therapist post something to let you know I am okay and resting comfortably in my nice padded cell.