Did I Mention I Don't Like Cats (Part II)

Okay Drake is all recovered and everyone is off to school and back to work. So back to Kittygate 2010. When I last left you I had explained the first half of my day on Friday. As I arrive home from my lone lunch and shopping adventure on Friday I have just enough time to sprinkle some carpet fresh, vacuum and spray my Febreeze so that Tony will think I have worked my little domestic hands all day long. Since it is Friday night I know that everyone in my home with testicles will be heading off to a local football game for the night. Yes I do have two male dogs but I had their stuff cut off so they can stay. I look so forward to Friday night football season because it is the only night of the week that I can actually hold the remote controls and watch whatever I choose on the TV. I even manage to gather up all the dirty clothes throughout the house and shove all of it into the washer so that Tony will think I have done the laundry as well. See I know he will be in such a rush to get to the game he wouldn't think to open the washer and see that I have whites, darks, towels and unmentionables crammed in their. Besides that I don't think anyone in the house knows what the washer is. I think my family believes that the washer walks out of the laundry room gathers all of their wet towels, dirty undies, sweaty T-shirts and gazillion pairs of gym shorts off of the floor and one hour and fifteen minutes later the washer walks back out and hangs everything either back in the closet or in the drawers. But that is another blog all together! When I hear Tony and Drake pull into the driveway I hop over to the couch to grab my book and act like I have the house cleaned and am just sitting around reading and relaxing. This little trick gives Tony the impression that I have completed all of my domestic duties in the morning and that our home is one well oiled machine. If he could only knew what a complete procrastinator his wife truly is he would be appalled. Tony walks in and ask me to come out on the porch to talk for a bit before he leaves for the Circleville game. Just as I am walking out to join him Drake is exiting Tony's truck with a big cardboard box making his way for the house. I ask Drake "what is that box for do you have some sort of project to work on this weekend?" Drake nonchalantly says "no Mom this is a cat I got from some kid at school." "Oh really did I not make it clear to you last week when you ask about the cat that I DO NOT LIKE CATS, and I will not have one in my home. I have a hard enough time cleaning up the messes from all of you and the two dogs." Drakes says "don't worry Mom the cat isn't for us I brought it home for my friend Austin." When I ask him what time Austin will be arriving to get the cat he informs me that Austin is busy tonight hanging out with friends and won't be coming until tomorrow. Okey dokey so what in the $%^*) am I supposed to do to keep the cat safe and in the yard for the night. Drake suggest that I allow him inside just for tonight. ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I tell him that the kitten will just have to stay in the box for the night. Then I ask him what am I supposed to give this kitten to eat he can't stay here all night without having some food. This is when Tony gets up and says he has that covered he stopped and purchased cat food for her on the way home. This same man who acts like I am asking him to donate a kidney if I ask him to stop and pick up milk for me...oh but for the cute little kitten he can make a trip to Kroger I see! Tony purchasing several cans of cat food should have been my first clue that this was not what is appeared. I fed the cat gave her some water and told them to put her in the box for the evening. Drake tells me to quit calling her it or her that her name is Berlin..really so she has a name. This should have been another clue that this was not looking good for me. Tony uses the over under method to shut the box to no avail. She managed to free herself as soon as Tony and Drake when inside to get ready for the game. Did I mention I DON'T LIKE CATS?!. not only do I not like cat I am deathly afraid of them and their little sharp claws. I start yelling for Tony or Drake or anyone who can hear to please come out and get this kitten her is purring and crawling up my leg like I am her long lost mother. Of course no one hears me or comes to my rescue! Berlin manages to climb into my lap up my stomach and reaches out her paw like she is going to take a nice sharp swipe at my face. Then she ever so gently starts petting my face sans claws. Just when I think she is going to start tearing flesh from my aging face giving me a horrible case of cat scratch fever she turns all sweet and delicate. (Uh oh I could be in trouble here) Something sweet and delicate in my house I wouldn't know what to do. I would be willing to be she doesn't even fart! And she doesn't have testicles that she can scratch! Tony Drake and Peyton all leave for the games and instead of my relaxing night of TV and control of the remote. I spend the entire evening running in and out of my house checking to make sure Berlin hasn't escaped and that one of the many creatures in my yard hasn't had her for dinner. Drake of course doesn't come home after the game he informs me that he is going into town with friends and ask to spend the night with Aaron. Great just great! I wake up at 5:30 am on Saturday morning unable to sleep from worry that Berlin has gotten out and been attacked by the giant raccoon in my yard.
I end up sitting outside in my bathrobe until about ten am when Tony finally comes out. I had to spend an entire Saturday morning keeping vigil over a cat that isn't even mine. At round noon when Drake hasn't even called and Austin has yet to show up to pick up HIS cat. I finally call Drake and ask him to make contact with Austin to find out what time he is coming. Drake calls me back nearly an hour later to inform me that Austin will not be able to come until at least tonight. Right as I am beginning to give him the lecture Berlin finally claws her way out of the box I am screaming at Drake on the phone that she has escaped and that there is nothing I can do if she runs off or gets injured. He acts like this is no big deal he says it will be fine! Sometimes it should be legal to strangle a teenager!! In defeat I run inside to get another can of cat food in hopes that if I feed her she will stick around the house and not run off to be attacked or injured by any of the other creatures. Drake and Austin finally show up at the house only to let me know they are heading out to a show in Chillicothe and Austin will be spending the night with us tonight and will finally take Berlin home with him on Sunday. Just flipping fabulous! Berlin did manage to figure out that she can find shelter under my porch thank God. On Sunday morning up at 5:15 am once again worried about her I spend several hours on the porch once again standing guard. When Drake and Austin finally wake up at around noon Austin says he is heading home that he has a busy day I remind him not to forget the Berlin when he goes out and to go ahead and take the remaining cans of food for her. I say goodbye to Austin and head off to take my shower. After I have showered and dressed I make my way outside to remind Tony that I have to get going soon because I have to be in Cleveland to see Jackson Brown tonight I see that Tony is sitting at the picnic table with Peyton and Drake and guess what is sitting on his lap. My head spends towards the driveway only to discover that Austin's car is gone and the cat is still here!! When I ask why Austin is gone and the cat is not, Peyton says Dad told Austin never mind and we get to keep the cat!! And Dad is going to build her a little cat house and isn't it awesome Mom!! OMG did I mention I DON'T LIKE CATS!! Does anyone around here listen to a dag gone thing I say. Well my name is Jami I still DON'T LIKE CATS although I do love my little Berlin who curls herself around my feet and gently climbs into my lap every morning and caresses my face with her delicate little paws and purrs when I rub her back. And she is mine she likes me best unlike my male dogs who don't listen any better than Tony or the boys do. and I finally have something female at my house and I am her favorite one she won't come out from under the porch unless I lure her out. I love it! Tony just called to say that is building her the cat house today and that he already has the wood and insulation for it and we are going to even put siding on it to match the shed and the house. Now I need to go so I can get to Mom's then to Pet Smart to look for furnishings for Berlin's Kitty Condo! I till DON'T LIKE CATS! But Berlin is just special!