Happiness on Wheels!

Do you all remember how excited you would get when the ice cream truck would come down your street when you were just a little kid? Today I was sitting at home thinking about my memories of the ice cream man. Granted he was probably stoned out of his mind while he was peddling his sweet treats to us it was still such an exciting day when he would show up. You could be sitting inside watching TV or playing outside in your yard and you would hear him long before you could see him. That psychotic carnival music blaring through the streets and I would dig in the couch and every drawer in the house hoping I could locate enough pocket change to get at least one ooey gooey treat off of the truck. It was so exciting on the days he would show up in our neighborhood. Well today when I was sitting down for a much needed break after my weekend from hell and I had what Oprah would possibly refer to as an "Ah Ha Moment" why isn't there anything close to an ice cream man for adults? Something that would show up randomly on your street or in your neighborhood that would just make your day. Granted I know as we get older and husbands, kids, jobs and families suck the life out of us the ice cream truck arriving wouldn't really brighten our days. Especially once we begin to age we worry about caloric intake and cholesterol and fat grams and crap like that. Then I thought about it ice cream may not stir in us the excitement that it once did....but alcohol could! So I had this great idea that I could purchase an old ice cream truck and instead of delivering ice cream to the children throughout the neighborhoods I would deliver drinks to housewives (domestic engineers) and stay at home moms. I could change that psychotic clown music and perhaps play Happy Days are Here Again or Fat Bottomed Girls would blare out through the sound system. I can just picture it now all the women in their sweat pants and pony tails (I know Mary you would be sporting a banana clip) but I would serve you anyway. And those other like me who may even still be in their night shirts and robes running out of their homes when they hear me coming to town. All those lonely wives and mommy's running down the street after my cool truck acting like it is Christmas day! I could serve them any alcoholic drink their little hearts desired from PBR to Cosmos. I could even provide sanity service for those suffering really bad days I would sell liquor by the bottle and six packs or twelve packs to take home as well. I could even sell little flask with my company logo of course to all my customers at an inflated price and occasionally offer free refills just like they do at Taco Bell. I am still contemplating the name of my new company. Perhaps "Your in Luck Truck" or "Sanity on Wheels" I am not sure yet I am still tossing the name idea around and I am open for suggestions. I just really think it is one of those ideas that is right up there with the wheel or sliced bread. I think it would be a great service to the community as it could prevent drinking and driving and it would also prevent those encounters at the local Wal-mart and Kroger with the Mommy that perhaps hit the sauce a little too hard that morning and is now purchasing nothing but pizza rolls, frozen pizza, potato chips and Little Debbie treats and juice boxes as the weeks groceries. It would also improve the lives of those who don't partake in the "devils water" because the lines would move faster since sober women can unload their carts much faster than the drunk ones can. I swear it took a woman in front of me one time nearly twenty minutes to unload her cart because she kept dropping her items and couldn't quit giggling every time she would bend down to pick up her item and stand back up she obviously got some sort of head rush. Although I will admit it was entertaining to watch it got irritating after about ten minutes. What was even funnier is I checked out after her with many more groceries and she was still in the parking lot trying to load her purchases into her car when I got to the parking lot. This was entertaining as well but I couldn't stick around to see if she ever actually accomplished this task. I felt at the time as much as I wanted to stay and watch I thought it best to be on my way home and hopefully off of the road before she fired up her ignition. Another benefit is I would under no circumstances open my business prior to noon as I have always heard that drinking before noon is considered taboo and it means you have an issue. I just know this is a business that could take off and make me millions. Just think about the job security it would have. It would be nearly as good as being a nurse or doctor since they say there will always be sick people. Or a lawyer because we live in a litigious society or a teacher since someone has to teach our kids to read (especially since mommy is too sauced up to). Well as far as I can tell we will always have drunks and call me cynical but as long as there are children and husbands I don't know of any woman who hasn't occasionally thought about how great a little "happy mommy sauce" would be on any given weekday afternoon? I mean I wouldn't just cater to the hardcore line dancing drink a man under the table women I would offer the foo foo drinks to those ladies just looking to take the edge off the day. Just a little something to calm the nerves before the kids come flying off the school bus or the hubby pulls in the drive asking what's for dinner. I really feel that this idea could improve marriages and make mommy time a whole lot more pleasant for the kids. There would be no losing your patience while working on homework and you wouldn't even care if they made their stupid beds. I am sure boyfriends and husbands would be much happier because everyone knows that alcohol tends to cause women to let down their guard and feel rather amorous. Frankly I think it is a great idea that would benefit the entire family. I still need to spend some more time figuring out what to name it. So if you have any suggestions I open to all ideas or if you can think of what songs I could play on the new mobile sanity vehicle to lure the women away from their washing machines, dishwashers and vacuum cleaners I will consider those ideas as well. And for those critics out their who would suggest that some women would possibly tip the bottle a little too much I say this to you. At least she won't be drinking and driving. And what husband or kid would complain that they were fed pizza, potato chips and a side of Little Debbie Nutty Bars for dinner. Not to mention that hubby wouldn't even care if the house was cleaned or not since his potential to have some of his own quality time with is lady would increase ten fold. So I am really having a hard time seeing a down side to this. Just the sheer joy of this job would be great I mean you would be viewed as something along the lines of Santa Claus of the Easter Bunny spreading joy happiness and most of all sanity where ever your wheels take you. And for you women out their who not interested in consuming alcohol because your lives, husbands and children are just sooooo flipping perfect well I could employ you. That way you could see how the rest of the non perfect people live. Please leave all suggestions in the comment section or on my facebook. I will post job openings as soon as they are available but for now I really need to go as I have to do some research about how to obtain a liquor license. Until next time ladies "Cheers!!!"