Smelly Cat Part II

Well if you read yesterday's blog you know my morning didn't go so well. One friend of mine commented after reading it that the day could only get better from there????? Now folks I love her and all and appreciate her positive outlook however failed it was but she lied to me. So after my traumatic morning dealing with kitty crap and on set of bulimic behavior I realized that I had forgotten that I had made an eye appointment for Peyton in Grove City. He kept telling me he was having trouble seeing the board at school and blamed his lack of good grades on his eyesight!! Yeah I am gonna fall for this one again. Granted in his defense sometime last year the school sent home a paper (I think this was the only one he actually brought home to show me) that said they recommend that I have his eyes checked. Personally I didn't take the school letter all that seriously since I am of the belief that the school systems are in cahoots with the local optometrist much like the drug companies and doctors are with the HMO's. But I will save my conspiracy theories for another blog. Instead of stressing about the forgotten eye appointment I hurried myself along and decided by using wicked driving skills I could make it from Stoutsville to Grove City in about 38 minutes which included a stop to pick up sissy. I figured while we were waiting for Peyton's eyeglasses to be made we could do lunch and some retail therapy to help me work through the pain of the tragedy I suffered earlier. Not much can happen that a little shopping wont fix. Oh yeah and for those of you who read yesterdays blog I did find the cure to remove the smell of cat poo burned into your nostrils. Step 1 put some water, cinnamon and vanilla in a large saucepan and bring to a boil then stick your head over it and sniff. Step 2 after you consume half a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls you suddenly had a hankerin for get out the Folgers black silk coffee and put out a line of it on your cutting board grab a crazy straw and snort. This not only clears the sinuses of any lingering cat poo it gives you much needed energy to make all of your appointment on time. Now I really need you to listen here before I go on with the rest of this story. For over a week now I have been warning Tony that my fancy dancy SUV has been giving me all kinds of warning messages. There have been so many lights and bells and dings that it was beginning to feel a lot like Christmas in my truck. Each time I mentioned this (which was everyday sometimes 3 or 4 times a day) his response was "well yeah I need to call Firestone and have it looked at) My pretty red tank will warn you of just about everything it will even tell you exactly what the problem is. I just wish GM with all their foo foo warning options would have put one in there that warned you that someone was going to pass gas on your heated seats. The lack of this warning option has nearly caused me to go off roading on a few occasions a cooked fart is nearly as noxious as cat poo when it hits you in the face. Oh but on with the story. So I picked up Scooter to go with me and Peyton and Peyton's friend whom I didn't have time to run home before the appointment. We get to the Eyeglass factory exactly one minute late get through the appointment. The eye guy informs me it will be about two hours before the glasses will be ready. This is perfectly fine with me as it allows more time for retail therapy. Not to mention the fact the glasses were much cheaper than I had anticipated. This leaves me with an additional eighty eight dollars and change that Tony won't ask about. Look out Target here I come!! Peyton and his friend decided they wanted Chipolte for lunch and Jan and I decided we would do O'Charley's as I was craving the free rolls they offer. Fortunately for me these two restaurants are right next door to each other so the kids could get what they want and sissy and I can have some kid free conversation. Upon seating ourselves in the bar area so Sissy can keep an eye on the game scores I know this isn't going to be good when I spot our waiter walking towards the table proudly wearing his "ahem" Michigan Jersey!! Yikes! When the waiter steps away from the table I warn her that she is to keep her mouth shut at least until all of our food is on the table. For fear that Go Blue boy will hide a hocker under the cheese of my potato skins. Sissy agrees to keep her Buckeye lovin mouth shut until our food is safe. Before we can even get our meal on the table here comes Peyton and his friend. They must have had a race at Chipotle to see who could eat the fastest. So much for adult conversation!! We make it through the meal and put our money in the little faux leather folder and when Go Blue boy comes to retrieve it Sissy just can't help herself says to him "don't bother with change I left you a nice tip so you can go and buy a real shirt." OMG no she didn't. She just couldn't keep her mouth shut. To which go blue boy responds yeah I think I will get the away Jersey next time. Holy crap I need to get her out of the restaurant before a UFC fight breaks out in O'Charley's. I get everyone loaded into my tank announce that Target it our next stop. I put big red in reverse hit the gas and a sound or I should say many sounds come from my truck and I am convinced that I have just ran over a person in a wheel chair or something. Holy Toledo I think it is broke for real this time. I try to make my way around the back of O'Charley's to avoid the crowd of people that is now staring at my big red tank. I pull into a spot and call Tony! Of course he doesn't answer his phone so I keep trying on the fourth try he finally answers sounding perturbed. "What do you want? I am trying to take a bath!!" Well honey so sorry to bother you during your kid free garden tubbed bubble bath but remember all those warning lights and bells in our truck. Well not only can you tell something is wrong from inside the truck but now everyone at O'Charley's as well as Chipotle, Steak and Shake and Walmart no something is wrong. Tony says "well darnit Jami I was getting ready to head to Chillicothe to bowl a few games before the Buckeyes come on." Well that's just too dag gone bad now it looks like you are coming to Grove City instead if you ever ever want to have quality time with me...if you get my drift. I inform him that I will take the truck over to Firestone and he can meet me there. He informs me that I am not to say anything to the Firestone guys because of me having boobs and all. That they will rip me off and not take me seriously. He emphasizes this is not a chauvinistic comment just a fact. Oh really!! I drop Sissy and the kids at Target then head across the street to Firestone. Where as usual I don't listen to Tony's advice about the boob thing and I go inside to talk to Mike to explain my dilemma. I explain to him that my husband is on his way and he will come in to talk about the truck since apparently my breast render me incapable of deciphering that something is wrong with my vehicle. Firestone Mike not listening like most men ask me what happened with the truck. So I explain it like this. "Well Mike I was backing out of O'Charley's over there across the street. And my truck made a really really ugly sound and then when I put it in drive it made some different kinds of ugly sounds. Firestone Mike says "what kinds of sounds." Seriously you want me to add sound affects. Okey dokey it was sort of like this in reverse it went kkkkkracithks thunk. But in drive it goes sssssshhhrqu tink tink tink sssshhhhhrqu. At this point I have the entire waiting area of Firestone staring at me. I explain that my husband will be in and to let him know I have gone to Target and to pick me up there. Tony must have decided to take his sweet time with his bath because I managed to make it all the way through Target and out and into Bath and Body Works before he shows up. I had to have John come and get sissy since Tony's truck isn't a eight person passenger vehicle and I don't think sissy will want to ride home sitting on a circular saw and level. When I get into Tony's truck he explains that Firestone is going to see what all is wrong with the truck and fix it. We should be able to pick it up tomorrow. (which is now today). He says that Mike is going to call him to let him know what the damage will be. Thank God Mike didn't call until we pulled into the driveway at home. Where he quoted a price of $2,008.72 for the repairs. What on earth was wrong that could cost that much you may ask. Well I don't know exactly I do know there was something with a wheel baring or bearing and some hydraulic stuff that involves flushing of stuff and rotor stuff and really all I know is my truck will no longer sound like the sound affects of my son's video games. And I can put some gas in it and go to Target without drawing a crowd and really that is all I need to know. Being as I have boobs and all. Tony and I did manage to get to Chillicothe to squeeze in two games of speed bowling (and I beat him at one game even with my boobs), Peyton got his new glasses (I will assume this means he will be on the honor roll now right?) and the family made it home safely just in time to watch nearly three hours of the Buckeyes getting their butts kicked by a bunch of cheese heads who talk like New Yorkers with sinus infections. Maybe if they would do a line or two of Folgers Black Silk coffee they wouldn't talk to nasally.... you think? And as for you Sherry my lovely FB friend even when you feel it can only get better you can be wrong my dear....very very wrong. I will blame the Buckeye loss on Sissy for not keeping her mouth shut to go blue boy at O'Charley's. I will blame the truck problem on Tony for not listening to me about the warnings. See if everyone would just listen to me life would be sooooo much easier I really believe that. Now I have to go so I can right to GM about installing the heated seat fart warning system on my truck. Now that I would pay $3,000.00 dollars to have installed!