Dress and behavior for school functions

Alright so maybe I am just a little bit prissy but you would not believe some of the folks I encounter down here in the country. I just returned from Peyton's (he is my 12 year old 7th grader)Christmas concert. The cast and crew of What Not to Wear could devote ten entire seasons at just my local school district and they still wouldn't get to everyone. I wanted to stand up in the auditorium and scream out "hey do all of own a television?" Now don't get me wrong I know things move a little slower in the country. But let's be honest the 80's have been over for nearly twenty years now. Attending some of these events you feel like you have entered some sort of time warp. I would be willing to bet Tony's next paycheck (it is a lot easier to bet when you don't earn the money yourself) that eight percent of the people in attendance can still do the dance to Prince's When Dove's Cry video and know all the words to Hey Mickey by Toni Basil. Even some of the dad's there look like Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. (only about 100 pounds heavier and still just as high)The worst part about it all is not just the hair it is the clothes. Here is a rule for people to follow if you wore it in high school you can not wear it now. Even if it is back in style you still can not wear it. The skinny jeans that made you look so very cool in high school make you look ridiculous in your thirties and forties. Especially since you are no longer a size 5. Where on earth do they even sell skinny jeans in a plus size? And whoever does sell them should be sued. Another rule blue eye shadow even if in style should not be worn by anyone over the age of twenty five. Rule number three you can not wear concert and band t-shirts for the music your teenage son or daughter listens to. Rule 4 it is not appropriate to wear your John Deere, NASCAR, Ford, Chevy or Big Johnson hat during the Christmas concert. All head wear which has a bill on it should be removed upon taking your seat. Rule number 5 women of a certain size (I am not judging anyone I am of a certain size and no you will not be told what that size is) should really try to watch not only the fit of her shirt but the length of her shirt. Especially if you are sporting a tramp stamp tattoo on your lower back. As this is very distracting as well as frustrating to see when watching the concert. Because first I am trying to figure out why you still want to show off a tattoo that you can no longer read because your back fat has caused a crease and I can only see part of certain letters or pictures? And as bad as I wanted to know what it said I felt it would be really inappropriate to come up to you after the concert and ask you to please lift a portion of your back fat to allow me to see the entire tattoo. Rule number 6 if your younger son/daughter begin screaming and crying during the concert it is not only recommended that you take your screaming/crying child out of the auditorium it is actually mandatory. Rule number 7 do not consume vast amounts of alcohol prior to attending any event at your child's school. Especially if you have consumed so much that those around you can smell it. Even if you are not the one doing the driving just as a general rule you should not have to have a designated driver to attend one of your children's school events. Rule number 8 when your child's portion of the concert is over. It is not cool to stand at the back of the auditorium and talk loudly about anything. Especially anything that requires you to use that many profane words. Seriously it was bad enough that I couldn't even see most of the kids on the stage between your Big Johnson ball cap and your wife's giant 1985 hair. Now at the end when my son is finally up there and I can actually see now I can't hear what they are singing between the f bomb's being dropped at the back of the auditorium. At first I thought I was losing my mind because I actually thought the children on stage were singing "the First F'ing Noel" and Let it F'ing snow." These are just some general guidelines that I am considering taking to the next school board meeting. I think if we could all just follow them it would make for a much more enjoyable experience for all. And if by chance the lady with the tramp stamp tattoo happens to be reading my blog I would just love it if you would leave me a comment to let me know what your tramp stamp actually says. It is really starting to drive me a little nuts, as it is sort of like when you can't remember the name of the song or the movie you are trying to think of. Well as they would say from the back of the auditorium Merry F'ing Christmas to all.

P.S. Still trying to download the pic of my new do on facebook. I gotta go maybe if I go sit on Santa's lap I will get a new lap top under the tree. LOL