Fabulous at Forty Not

I swear if I read one more magazine article telling me about being fabulous at forty I am going to throw a screaming tantrum more along the lines of a four year old instead of a forty year old. Can anyone tell me what is so fabulous about being forty. I am now ten months into what has been described as the best time of my life. And I have to say so far I am not impressed. What is fabulous about having a zit in between your crows feet? What is fabulous about the randomness of my cycle? Hell, sometimes twice a month then maybe not again for three months. All the other fabulous at forty woman say they are more confident and self assured. How am I supposed to be confident when I don't even know when the painters are going to show up or if? I am also still searching for all of the infinite wisdom that is supposed to come with age. I guess it must have been lost along with the nail clippers, my freshman son's homework and the coupons I keep meaning to use at the grocery store. So as for fabulous at forty I hope I discover something fabulous about it in the next two months. Otherwise I will have totally missed it. What is the catch phrase for forty one? Is it perhaps forty one now your done? It also helps that my twelve year old reminds my of my age every time I have a mood swing or complaint he says "is this that menopause thing they talk about?" Seriously, the mirror reminds me of my age every time I walk by it I really don't need to be reminded of it by my little angel. I also want to mention about gravity as you age. I happen to think it is a line of bull. After hitting forty my once cute perky bubble butt and perfectly proportioned hips have actually headed north and have somehow wrapped themselves around my middle. I know have a flat bottom and can no longer distinguish where my butt ends and my leg begins. Am I crazy but I truly believe there was once a line there to indicate the transition from butt to leg. It figures the only line I would have liked to keep is gone and has been replaced by several on my face. At the rate my mid section is expanding I perhaps could have a job playing Santa at some mall next year. It would be easy to get hired since another perk of aging is random facial hairs I am now finding. What is up with that? I mean how can you go to bed after applying make up remover, exfoliating, moisturizer, eye cream and go to sleep with a hydrated smooth face and wake up to a couple of two inch hairs hanging from your cheek and skin so dry you would swear you were suffering from dehydration. I also have gained a new understanding as to why woman have always colored their hair. It isn't about vanity to cover grays, really it isn't. It is totally to be able to maintain some control of it. Gray hair I feel is nothing more than pubic hairs on your head. Those wiry little burgers are like little antenna on your head that will not surrender even with the very best of products. I will let you know when I find the fabulous part of being forty but so far it is not looking too promising. At least you won't be disillusioned as I was about it. But I will let you know when I discover anything about this even remotely fabulous.