Halleluah praise you Jesus it is Friday and my Jack Russell Boswell and my husband survived the insane racoon in our yard last night. When domestic and wild animals begin to lose their minds from the cold I think it may be a bit much for humans as well. To say that we have had our share of animal encounters down here on the farm would be an understatement. We have had run ins with squirrels, racoons, insane cardinals, horses, cows, coyotes, possums and snakes. So last night when Tony and the boys arrive home from wrestling practice of course demanding to know what is for dinner and asking if Buster and Boswell have been outside yet. Now they ask this everynight of my life. And everynight of my life the answer is the same "no" I can't let them out when hubby and boys are not home as they do not listen to me and I end up spending a half an hour of my life running up and down the hill in my yard trying to coax them back inside. As a more voluminous woman I do not like to run anywhere let alone after two dogs who listen about as well as my children and husband do. I think you might be getting the picture of the total lack of authority I have around here. So I release the hounds and they go barrelling outside to take care of business with Tony standing guard on the porch. As I am back in the kitchen tyring to complete dinner I hear Tony (I think every neighbor we have heard him) screaming at Boswell to get back. Then Tony starts yelling at me to come and see this. OMG what now? If he is carrying a dead animal in his mouth I am going to scream. When I go to the door I see my sweet dog sniffing the butt of a racoon like he is about to mount and mate with it. And what is worse is the racoon doesn't even care he/she is letting it happen. Yes I said he/she as my dog is sexually confused. Okay I will admit I think my dog is gay! So Tony is pickng up frozen walnuts still lying in the yard and hurling them at the love birds and they are looking at him like he is ruining their little moment of intimacy. As I am watching Tony trying to break up this little love fest in our yard I begin to form a picture of what it would be like if we had a daughter. I could just see Tony throwing frozen walnuts and rocks at any boy who dared to beckon our door for his daughter. See if Tony had a daughter he would fear she would date someone who had the same intentions he did as a teenager. Finally our dog caves in a comes back inside but the racoon is staring Tony down and he isn't going anywhere. So Tony throws a few more frozen walnuts and is actually making contact with this racoon and he isn't scurrying off. I try to tell Tony to just come inside and eat and let the racoon wander off but Tony being the king of his castle and the master of his domain is not going to give in until he scares him off. Now Tony is losing his cool as well as the battle with the racoon and he grabs for bigger ammo. He grabs the broom that I keep on the front porch. I have to keep a broom on the front porch due to Simon the squirrel who likes to bring the frozen walnuts up and onto my porch where he sits and eats them right at my front door. And Simon is quite a messy eater. Broom in hand he decides he needs a second weapon as the racoon is still not budging. Tony grabs the rake is in other hand and now with broom and rake he is going to take on this thirty pound racoon face to face. Tony heads for the racoon and lands his first blow with the broom. This is when the racoon bears his teeth and is standing up on his back legs and Tony heads around the side of the house with the racoon in pursuit. Drake and Peyton are laughing and I am trying to get them to be quiet so I can hear if Tony screams or anything. I may need to dial 911 if I hear him scream. I can hear him yelling but it doesn't sound like a painful yell just a frustrated one. I am waiting for him to come running around the other side of the house with a racoon on his head. (like in the movie Saving Silverman) Tony and racoon finally make it back around the house to the front where I can see Tony is dueling with the racoon with his broom and rake. At this point in the battle I don't know if I should contact animal control or grab the camcorder. My family could be the next big thing on You Tube if this battle gets anymore heated. Or maybe I could even when the $10,000.00 prize on AFV. Finally when Tony lands a blow by the rake to the back of the racoon he surrenders and runs off. PETA people don't go reporting us it was only a plastic rake. He didn't impale him or anything. Although I wish he had, this racoon had a lot of attitude almost as much as the State Highway patrolman who gave me the ticket last week. When the racoon battle finally ends and I get Tony inside to actually eat dinner the fried rice is now dried out, the egg rolls look like charcoal and the chicken and veggies have gone limp we sit down to eat. As they are complaining about how lousy dinner is I try to remind them that this will help them for their wrestling weigh ins this weekend. I don't panic about how inedible the dinner is. See I have a Reese's Christmas tree treat hidden in the laundry room for later. If I don't post another blog in the next day or so please contact the authorities as this will mean Rocky the racoon has taken out his revenge on me instead of Tony. There is probably a wildlife meeting going on right now in the tree line next to my house. I would be willing to bet all the critters around here are banning together forming some sort of militia to take our family out. The wildlife around here is getting braver and braver. I wouldn't be shcoked to see an army of furry little critters marching up my hill some day to finish us off. I also know the snake is their leader he is probably the one in charge of the whole operation. I will have to tell you about the snake later. I need to get to the grocery store to pick up some things for Mom she is coming home from Florida today. So next weeks blogs should be good Mom will be home and it is Christmas season. Then again maybe she will have me doing so much I won't have time to blog but probably not I will need somewhere to vent.