Holidays and Hospitals

Wow I made it through the holidays!! Seriously sorry for the delay in posting anything new in my blog but I have had a couple of set backs. One little visit to the hospital and Christmas as well. I am not sure but I am thinking possibly the holidays may have lead to the hospital stay? Between trying to perform all of the duties a wonderful, wife, mother and daughter are expected to perform during this time of the year.I think it is a miracle the hospitals aren't full of women suffering from stress and anxiety. So two Saturdays before Christmas I am sitting at Drake's wrestling meet. (By the way I was sitting with the cool mom's) I new the new haircut would move me up in the ranks alt faster. I am sitting there in the stands talking with Drake about his latest loss when he was pinned in under forty five seconds and my right arm decides to take on a life of it's own. It is twitching and moving and doing things I am pretty sure that my brain is not telling it to do. So now i am thinking great I finally get to sit with the cool mom's and now I am developing turrets syndrome or something. I am just praying I don't start cursing at all the other wrestling parents since I can't seem to control my own arm I just know that my mouth is next. yes I know Tony would say not controlling my mouth would not be a new symptom. I don't think much else of my arm but the following Monday when I am on the phone with my mom going over her latest list of task that I am to perform for her as well as all of my regular duties I am seized by chest pains so bad that they bring me to my knees. So as not to scare my mother I tell her that I am having shoulder pain and I need to hang up for now. When the chest pain finally eases up enough for me to get up and walk I decide perhaps a bath and shaving my legs would make me feel much better. It doesn't so I decide now with my new symptom of shortness of breathe I may want to consider going to the ER. I am standing at the front door contemplating calling for an ambulance in lieu of driving myself when Tony comes home early from work. I think wow divine intervention my hubby is home to save me from what I have now convinced myself is a full on cardiac arrest. When he walks inside and sees that I am now crying convinced I am about to meet my maker and all I can think about is how unprepared I am to do that considering my behavior lately. I have been short tempered, rude, whiny and have used more curse words in the last two weeks than I have in the last five years. I am thinking great he didn't take me when I was on my best behavior. I explain to Tony what has been going on and that I may need to be seen in the ER to which my adoring husband says okay well I am going to the bank and to get a hair cut he tells me to be careful and he will meet me at the ER later then leaves. Holy crap I tell my husband that I basically think that I am dying and he continues with his errands like nothing is up. So I am now crying because I think I am dying and worse yet no one cares. When I finally decide the ambulance is a little too dramatic for me and I will drive myself in, Tony calls me to say he is coming back to take me in. I think God must have had a little intervention with him on the way to the bank or something. Tony finally gets home and takes me to the hospital. A little info for all, if you want to be moved to the very front of the line and get first class service at the ER just say you are of a certain age and you have chest pains and shortness of breathe. OMG you would have thought I was the President or something. Okay so maybe not president but at least the first lady. I was in a bed with monitors hooked up to me so fast that I decided that even if I came in needing stitches next time I will say yes I have cut my finger off but I am also having chest pains. This would be a marvelous way to avoid sitting in the ER waiting room with all those people suffering with who knows what mutating disease. After I have been poked and prodded and I feel I have given enough blood to keep and entire African village healthy for a month.I need to mention hear that the nurse or whoever she was had the audacity to ask me my weight while Tony is standing next to my bed? What in the hell is wrong with people you never ask a woman her weight out loud ever!!! Especially with her twenty nine inched waist husband standing next to her. I mean heck if I didn't have a heart attack already this line of questioning could surely cause one. The doctor comes in and says very matter of factly I may have had a cardiac event or a blood clot. Being the my son Preston is now by my bed I don't want to freak him out by freaking out. I am forced to play it cool like it is no big deal. I am praying that I did have a cardiac event as opposed to a blood clot simply because I think a heart attack is better. the blood clot thing really blew my oars out of the water. I mean I don't want to be sitting around at home and suddenly I fall over with a fatal blood clot. After a cat scan and ruling out a blood clot thank GOD!! The doctor recommends that I stay over night for observation and further testing when I ask her if that is really necessary she gives me a look quite similar to a look my mother would give me when I wasn't cooperating. So now that I have agreed to stay in the most expensive over night stay in the city. I am sent upstairs to share a room with a woman who is obviously in a lot of pain and has something pretty bad wrong with her. She has tubes coming out of various locations on her body and whatever is being sucked out looks pretty gnarly. I begin counting my blessings that I am only here for one night and at least whatever is wrong is not being sucked out of me by tubes and machines. I also am not lying in my bed writhing in pain. The blessing counting thing only last about three hours. I truly believe they have video cameras installed in hospital rooms and the moment they see you resting comfortably they come in to get blood, check vitals, or give you a pill or an injection of some sort. This is not to mention the mystery plate they try to pass off as food. I really would like to know how many people die in hospitals from food poisoning that they try to say it was something else. After being tortured for the entire evening and night I actually live until morning when I am told that I will be given another test before they will allow me to leave. According to the nurse most of these test are given in the morning and I should be sent home just a little after noon. Liar liar pants on fire!! At two thirty in the after noon when I begin removing my own monitors and am preparing to escape this torture chamber the nurse comes in to see what I am up to I tell her it is to close to Christmas for me to continue lying in the hospital. She tells me if I leave the hospital before a doctor releases me that my insurance will not cover my stay. This strikes me as funny since I don't have insurance and the only person suffering a financial dilemma is me!! This is also when I notice the IV is still in my arm. Have I ever mentioned what a complete wussy I am when it comes to blood and needles. I can't even pull a piece of glass out of my foot if I step on it I have to have someone else do it for me. Since I still have the IV I decide to table my great escape and cooperate. I have also discovered what is wrong with the lady in the bed next to me. I think she is septic. In her weakened state she can't use the regular little girls room she has to use a bed pan. Let me remind you we are in the hospital and the only thing between me and her bowel movements is a flimsy curtain. I guess none of the tubes they have hooked up to her are sucking out poo since she had used the bed pan five times today. I am praying for them to come and get me for my test even if it is invasive anything to get away from the stench permeating the entire room if not the entire floor of the hospital. When God finally answers my prayers and they come to get me for my test I am nearly so happy I could cry. They take me down to the basement for my test which by the way they keep calling and echo. This test require me to be topless. Yeah I always love laying around topless with two or three complete strangers walking around. Then to top it off the tech tells me I will need to lay on my left side with my left arm up by my head. When she tells me I need to put my hand up my my head it reminds of the scene in the Titanic when Jack sketches Rose in the buff. This is when I ask the tech if I resemble Kate Winslet in the Titanic or do I look like the Titanic. I think she is shocked by my humor when I explain to her why I am so happy to be down hear away from the stench of my room she is laughing and threatening to keep me down here just for comic relief. I also get to giggling when I look down at my left boob and it now resembles a flat tire. Lying on one's side with arms above your head is not a flattering pose for forty year old boobies. Will need to remember never to take this position naked in order to seduce Tony. I finally get out of the hospital after seven pm the next day. The doctor said they found a little abnormality and I am now scheduled for a stress test this coming Monday. Have I even mentioned how much worse my eyesight has been lately. I am telling you this forty year old thing is not turning out to be a lot of fun. Will keep you posted I am sure everything is fine probably just a little holiday stress is all I am thinking. That coupled with the fact that I have actually lost thirteen pounds in the last two months I have probably sent my body into shock.